Can You Hear Me?

How often do you listen? Really, really listen?

How often have you had the wrong answer given to your question or lost you patience with someone because the other person didn't listen to you? It happens to us all. And we're all probably as guilty as the next person. You listen to the first thing being said and then start thinking of your response before the person has finished.

Or worse, someone interrupts before you're finished and starts telling you what you think!

OK, the cliche - we have TWO ears and ONE mouth and should use them in that ratio. But it isn't always that easy. You've had years of practise of doing what everyone else does. Respond to what you think the person is saying, rather than hearing it first.

What can you do?

Well, firstly, try not to talk. Simple. Keep your mouth closed - sit on your hands if needs be and send a signal to the other person that you are listening to them. When you want to let that person know that you're about to talk, let your mouth open a little. Their subconscious should pick up the signal that you are ready to respond.

It is hard, but practise and concentration will help. What is more difficult is when you simply don't agree with the other person. You need to keep an open mind. After all, you want them to listen to you with a degree of respect, so do the same for them. Beyond just keeping your mouth closed, you need to keep your mind open. Simply listening to something you refuse to consider as a point of view, isn't really listening. You need to feel where that person is coming from, how they feel the way they do and what the origin of their argument is. You may find that you can empathise with them, even if you don't agree. Or you may change your mind - or have the information you need to change theirs! But you won't know whether you can or not unless you've really listened in the first place.

If you are trying to help a friend, try to remember that they are the focus of the conversation. How often have you tried to explore your feelings with someone only to end up listening to their experiences. They're telling you to make you feel better - but it just doesn't work! You want to let out how you feel, but it's being blocked by their outpourings. Give others the chance to air their feelings and you'll learn more about them as a vulnerable human being - just like everyone else. And you'll learn more about yourself - you're ability to care and support friends.

So, next time you have a conversation with someone, remember to really listen before interrupting or judging what is being said. And expect that the other person will give you the same respect back that you have given to them.