Can You Hear Me?

How often do you listen? Really, really listen?

How often have you had the wrong answer given to your question or lost you patience with someone because the other person didn't listen to you? It happens to us all. And we're all probably as guilty as the next person. You listen to the first thing being said and then start thinking of your response before the person has finished.

Or worse, someone interrupts before you're finished and starts telling you what you think!

OK, the cliche - we have TWO ears and ONE mouth and should use them in that ratio. But it isn't always that easy. You've had years of practise of doing what everyone else does. Respond to what you think the person is saying, rather than hearing it first.

What can you do?

Well, firstly, try not to talk. Simple. Keep your mouth closed - sit on your hands if needs be and send a signal to the other person that you are listening to them. When you want to let that person know that you're about to talk, let your mouth open a little. Their subconscious should pick up the signal that you are ready to respond.

It is hard, but practise and concentration will help. What is more difficult is when you simply don't agree with the other person. You need to keep an open mind. After all, you want them to listen to you with a degree of respect, so do the same for them. Beyond just keeping your mouth closed, you need to keep your mind open. Simply listening to something you refuse to consider as a point of view, isn't really listening. You need to feel where that person is coming from, how they feel the way they do and what the origin of their argument is. You may find that you can empathise with them, even if you don't agree. Or you may change your mind - or have the information you need to change theirs! But you won't know whether you can or not unless you've really listened in the first place.

If you are trying to help a friend, try to remember that they are the focus of the conversation. How often have you tried to explore your feelings with someone only to end up listening to their experiences. They're telling you to make you feel better - but it just doesn't work! You want to let out how you feel, but it's being blocked by their outpourings. Give others the chance to air their feelings and you'll learn more about them as a vulnerable human being - just like everyone else. And you'll learn more about yourself - you're ability to care and support friends.

So, next time you have a conversation with someone, remember to really listen before interrupting or judging what is being said. And expect that the other person will give you the same respect back that you have given to them.

I am Yellow

I am yellow.

Buttercup yellow.

Bright and golden, like the morning sun

And setting in the evening - the bright burst of yellow that flashes in an instant just before the red embers slowly fade in the western sky. The last of the golden sky sky shower that heralds the end of a sunny day.

I am yellow. I compliment the world, not blending into it, but adding to its beauty.

I can shine brightly, or I can rest dreamily as a pastoral creamy shade of primrose. I can dazzle like gold, reflecting the sun back into the eyes of the world.

I sit amongst the green and absorb its energy - green feeds me from its earthy roots. Green breathes for me, inhaling the purest air. Green grows strong and up and carries me ever higher - reaching for the sun, from where I was conceived - returning me to my nature.

I am yellow. I brighten this world. I am in every place. I am in the fluttering silks that wave in the oriental winds. I am in the cotton that wraps and comforts and covers the human form.

I am yellow. I have life and I have energy. I have electricity. I have movement. I sing and I dance.

I am yellow.
I am alive.

How to Cheer Yourself Up

Ok, this is more about how I just turned my own mood around

OK, so there is a chance that not many people - if any - read this blog. However, I'm going to write it anyway.

The reason is I've just given myself permission to be miserable.

One of the key things in to self esteem is accepting yourself for who you are. And if having an off day (or a week in my case) is part of being yourself - then accept it.

I have a note book where I scribble down some of the most amazing rubbish (and gems of wisdom) when I need to get something out of my system. Today I wrote that it was ok to be miserable. That if I want to indulge in my own self pity, that's ok, because it is mine - for me. I reminded myself that, I'm getting there - even if there are days when I don't know where "there" is.

What really brought me round was my final bit of rambling. I wrote "And once I'm there, is it where I want to be or just a stopping off point to somewhere else?"

It reminded me that my life is a series of adventures - that journeys are for enjoying - destinations are not final, but the starting point for the next quest.

So, next time you feel a bit low, just go with it. Explore it, understand it, come to terms with it. Accept it as part of you. Allow it to do its job - whether that means taking a break, considering your options or signalling that it's time to change course. Then have your strategy for moving on and enjoying the adventure of your life.

Workshop Magic!

"This Changed My Life" workshops were so well received that there are calls to hold similar events across the North East.

The day started with Georgette Ratcliffe of Carousel Theatre taking participants through techniques to make public speaking easier. Using acting techniques, participants said it was quite unlike any "presentation skills" training they had previously experienced. A trained actress and dramatist, Georgette taught delegates how to annotate speeches, ways to read them out loud and the use of rhythm to assist successful delivery. This was not a presentation about presentations - participants were actively learning to put words and movement together - and at one point there was a group "singing" lesson - putting sounds and rhythm together to increase confidence in delivering your words in public.

Liz Finch of 4-word gave a workshop introducing how NLP can be used to increase rapport in coaching and other relationships. Using a VAK (Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic) test, participants explored their own sensory thinking and were given an insight into eye movement that matches sensory behaviour. By matching our language to the sensory preference of our clients we can help make that connection that makes working together more productive.

Anne Pink of New Horizons Coaching and Consultancy gave a lively talk on marketing. Giving some of her top tips, she talked about the importance of understanding what you want to achieve from your business and then creating a marketing strategy to show how you get there. With so many people entering the coaching world, Anne said that we each need to identify what it is we have to offer - what makes us unique!

After lunch, Linda Lowery of the Venus Sequence took participants through this very intreging way of defining personality. Within the Venus Sequence there are six personality types - although we each have a little of every one of these types, we have a dominant type as well as a trigger that we use when interacting in different situations. Linda said that by understanding the different patterns, we begin to be able to become more accepting of how and why we behave the way we do. She also suggested that an awareness of these patterns helps us to recognise the impact they have on our daily lives.

The day concluded with an insight into Mindfulness Mediation with Gary Heads of True Potential. Participants were introduced to a walking mediation. In this, it is necessary to concentrate on the mechanisms of how if feels to walk - something that you normally do automatically. Gary said that for most people it would be the first time that they had considered what their legs were doing since they first learned to walk as infants. Participants were then asked to look at a raisin as if they had never seen it before - what it looked like, felt like, sounded like (yes - it does make a sound) and what it felt like to eat it very slowly.

The day finished with a sitting mediation with Gary.

Through out the day delegates got the chance to meet other coaches and people involved in the personal development field - and many left with new contacts and ideas for the future. Also during the day people shared with each other things that have had an impact on their personal and professional lives in a session called "This changed my life." This included books and training courses that had an impact as well as personal experiences of feelings of belonging and the desire to do something that changes the life chances of children in the Third World.

Pauline Fraser of PRF Solutions thanked all the workshop leaders who had given their time to present these brilliant workshops. Without intending to do so, a theme had run through the day. The theme that stood out was that all of the workshops gave us different techniques and insights into how we can respond to the world and people around us, rather than react to them. Think about it - it is such an important way to make interaction with each other more meaningful and tolerant on so many levels.
Plans are already underway to organise another day of workshops later in the year. The next event is likely to take place in the south of the region. Personnel and training officers in public services are encouraged to join with coaches, trainers and consultants from the private sector to discover new and sustainable methods of personal and professional development.

What the Universe Can Give Us

There's a lot being said at the moment about Cosmic Ordering - perhaps you've seen or heard of "The Secret." It's so popular now that the title is a contradiction in its own terms.

So, what is it all about?

It all boils down to the Universal Law of Attraction. This simply says that you get back what you give out. Ok, so far, so simple. So, if you are misserable, bad tempered and generally a pain in the butt, that's what you're going to get back.

At the end of the day, its all just commonsense. It's just having the commonsense to recognise it. We all know that if we feel negative, then our mind will home in on the negative messages and events around us. We feed the down side and it goes further and further down. And we don't think it's our fault. After all, these awful things are happening in the world around us and we have no control over them - do we?

And then there are those happy, up beat, really drive you mad with their positivity people! What makes them different? Don't bad things happen in their world?

Well, yes, they do. But it is how you chose to handle the situations you are in that makes the difference. If something goes wrong and you allow yourself to believe that this is more evidence that the universe is out to get you - then you are attracting more of what you've got. However, if you decide that whatever it was that went wrong did so for a reason and gives you an opportunity to move on or change things, then create a positive experience.

So, its really about the Universal Law of Attraction being inside of yourself. The only person that can decide how you react to things is you. You control what goes on inside your head. If you want to collect evidence that the world is bad, you can.

Or you can see the beauty, kindness and wonderful things that are around you.

Despite all the things that go wrong, this is a beautiful place to live.

Confidence - what is it

So many people talk about being more confident. They want more as if it some sort of commodity you can pick up at the supermarket. The truth is you already have it. It's there inside of you. The only problem is finding it.

Well, I don't know about you, but whenever I lose something (and with things like car keys, that's pretty regular), first thing I do is STOP. I then go over my steps and try to think "when did I last have that?" and "where was I when I used that last?" I ask myself "what was it I was doing when I had it?"

Now, next time you say you want more confidence, try asking yourself those questions. Bit by bit you'll find your confidence. And the more you use it, the less likely you are to misplace it again.

Now, if only I could make it that simple with the car keys....

The Comfort Zone

Yes, it's definitely one of those days when I feel the call of the comfort zone. You know what I mean - that moment when you stretch your wings a little (or maybe even a lot) and then there's this big urge to fold them back up and keep them tightly by your side.

After all, you've stretched them - no need to do anything else, is there? Well...

I suppose, if we're really brave, we can maybe just have a little lift-off - try taking off and landing back on the same spot. Taking off and heading for the next branch, well, naahh.. that's for other birds - the ones who know how to fly.

Mmmm, well, actually, we're not birds, but the metaphor is becoming increasingly relevant. Especially for me. I encourage people to live outside their comfort zone. Amazing how I can do that from the safety of my own comfortable place. Yet I do try to take off occasionally. And when I do and I start to wobble, I land safely back where I started.

TODAY I AM MAKING A PROMISE TO MYSELF TO START ENJOYING THE WOBBLE!

Leaving your comfort zone isn't easy. The voice inside your head says in a psuedo-supportive way "well, no one can say you didn't try..." and you believe it!

I love the quote from the mythical Jedi Yoda "Do or do not, there is no try." or however it goes.

So, I need to decide - do I do or do I do not?

What woke me up to this was an email I received from an amazing lady called Peggy McColl. She was passing on some information about a book by Sandra Anne Taylor. One of the chapters of Sandra's book talks about being desperate to achieve something and how this can have a negative impact on the thing we are positively trying to achieve.

I'm getting there...so, this call of the comfort zone is linked to Sandra's Law of Paradoxical intent - pushing away something that I really want.

So, relax. Feel the feelings that are aroused as you step outside the comfort zone. Feel those wings stretch a little - how does it feel in your tummy? What's that voice in your head saying? Listen to your body - how is it reacting? I feel a nervous tingle across my skin.

Acknowledge it, accept it and most of all, recognise it for what it is - it's those wings, stretched out from your body screaming to be put away. BUT remember - birds fly - that's what the wings are for!

Find out more about Peggy at www.destinies.com and more information about Sandra's book can be found at www.hayhouse.com